Adventures in East Africa

It has been over three months since I moved to Uganda. It feels like it was years ago. Life here feels pretty normal and settled other than the population of warriors, the children running after me while I walk home, and the lack of the most basic amenities. I have actually started to feel at home here. The work can be long and tedious, and I sometimes wonder what the **** I am doing in the middle of nowhere in Africa, but I am obviously here for a reason and I am embracing that.

Times have been fairly exciting over the past little while. I went to Nairobi for a workshop with my colleagues from different programs including Somalia, Somaliland, Sri Lanka, Iraq, South Sudan, etc. It was at this point that I realized that I kind of fit into this whole NGO world, though I have many criticisms and reservations. It’s hard work, rough living environments, often isolated and lonely and very difficult to see the impact of your work. But then something in the end makes it feel worth it. Maybe it is the rush, the camaraderie with coworkers, maybe it is feeling connected to the whole world (even it’s worst parts), or maybe it is just feeling as though you are making the effort to change even one life in despair. I don’t know. But most of the ‘muzungus’ (white people) at the workshop were just like me – idealists yet self-reflective and analytical, thrive on seeing new places, and want to do something good for the world. I found comfort in that.

My time is coming to a close here and I am very uneasy about that. I feel as though it has not been enough time to really understand where I am living and I have made some really great friends. I have no plan other than perhaps traveling and starting again from square one. Coincidentally, just as I was pondering my next move, Lilu told me that the head of DDG and the program manager decided that they would like to offer me a position to continue in Moroto with my role focusing on gender issues and evaluating our different projects around the country. My heart began to race because I know that this is what I have always wanted but then the fear, oh the fear…  

The theme of the past little while seems to be facing fears, any fears – fears that I have in my own heart, fears of failure, fears of losing someone close to me, and even a fear of heights. Being ruled by fear is no way to live! With that in mind I decided to go bungee jumping and white water rafting on the Nile River. I was terrified. Life can feel very scary, especially when you are on the ledge feeling as though you are jumping towards your ultimate death. But facing fears and taking risks is not ultimate death, it is opening yourself to the world and giving yourself the opportunity to develop courage and love. So, I guess life in Uganda will continue for me!

Bye for now!

"Malaria"

It has certainly been an interesting past few weeks. Lilu left for Nepal which means that I am now the project manager for the time he is away. A few days after his departure I became quite ill with apparently ’malaria’, though I’m fairly certain they call everything malaria. Myself, along with four others from my office, were all diagnosed with malaria (though the other cases were actually malaria). I was throwing up, sweating, cold, diarrhea, dizzy, weak, all of the good stuff. My housekeeper, Rita, who has became like a mother to me, walked me to the car to go to the clinic as I vomited all over her shoes and her clean floor. She stayed the night with me to make sure I was okay. I could barely keep myself sitting upright in the clinic as they tested me for malaria and gave me a bunch of pills for which I had to trust. I ran into my work colleague at the clinic who also had malaria and typhoid. And, well, that’s Africa for you!

My bosses from Kampala and Copenhagen came to Moroto for a field visit where I had to host them, after I had slept 2 hours the night before from being ill, on top of which my love told me he was getting married, over text message, and that it was time to move on… It seems to me that life really just happens all at once. It truly is just a divine comedy. Now I just look at it all and think: “Okay Sara, well this is how it is, you can laugh and continue on, or pretend like you have some sort of control in this matter and dwell over it.” So, I tried to laugh, and found that in the end, I made a great friend with my housekeeper, and feel an overall sense of relief from all of these events. It’s hard, but if we can take a step outside of an overwhelming or hurtful situation, breathe, and understand that ‘thy will be done’, a sense of clarity and calmness arises.

I am in Kampala now to meet with a colleague from South Sudan and have been having a bit of a party, meeting up with people I barely know for dinner, going bowling, getting my hair done, massages, it’s been great! I realize how much I appreciate the small things now. I flew over with an airline called MAF, it was almost a helicopter with five rows. The view was spectacular. We flew over the Nile and were able to see all the little houses and villages. I had a truly truly happy time despite the turbulence from the rain storm and my general fear of flying. After my adventures over the past few years, I am left wondering if I will ever go back to a more permanent existence in the West. 

That’s it for now!

 

Love is all there is!

It’s hard to believe that I have been here almost a month! Time really flies around here. I am feeling content and purposeful here, like there is some direction and meaning to it all. Mostly I think I feel happy because I am able to at least make the effort to give to others. It is a lot more difficult to find love in the west- in all of its forms. We are very closed off, so disconnected. We suffer greatly, but we suffer from ignorance, from attachment, from thinking that there is something ultimately wrong with our surroundings and that we need to keep working to change it. We do not suffer from a lack of worldly possessions. Here in Moroto, people’s suffering is so much more tangible, and when it is tangible, it is as if it can be changed with a simple act of love. Perhaps that is my ignorance!

I have an example. Yesterday I was driving back from lunch with my colleagues and we drove past two children lying on the side of the road who looked like they were dead. In fact I thought they were dead. This was nothing unusual to me, because the value on life here is so little. People kill, people die, it is a very accepted reality among the warriors. There is less attachment to life and being ‘alive’. Anyway, we stopped to make sure they were not dead and they weren’t. But they were two little children who couldn’t walk they were so ill, they were lying on the side of the road and nobody stopped to help them. We put them into DDGs vehicle (which we are not supposed to do) and drove them to the clinic. There is nothing groundbreaking about this act, who knows if it helped, who knows if they will live another day, but it is that tangible suffering that is so acute here that I feel one very small act can relieve.

It is easy to get lost in it all, to take on the suffering and to slip into guilt. But then I realize that it is not my role to feel guilty or pity or ashamed for my skin color or the life in which I was born, it is what I do with what I have been given! Someone once said that if you have money, it is because you were generous in your past life, but if you are not generous in this life with your money, you will suffer greatly in the next! I think about that a lot. Money, possessions, things, the manifest…they provide temporary relief to suffering, I can easily walk around giving everyone a few dollars and feel a sense of relief for my “generosity”. But I realize at the end of the day, the thing that will change the world, in reality the only thing, is love and kindness!

Everything is already okay

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I ended up here: why I am living in the middle of nowhere in Africa amongst so little, how I met Lilu, how when things felt so low, this opportunity came along to sweep me up and save me. I spent so much time in my life thinking that it was me that controlled everything, me that failed or made things happen, because action produces results we are told! I am not saying that the will shouldn’t be there but when I look at my life and I look at the crazy things that have happened and the experiences I have had, the more I understand that I, me, am not so important to have all that control. Shocking, I know! I can ignore the magical things that are calling my name and are right in front of me, which many of us do, and think that I am the maker of my own destiny, but then I miss the divine comedy of it all - the beauty, the lessons, the magic, the simplicity even in the pain.

Several “spiritual” people or “astrologers” I met over the past little while (mostly out of desperation) told me that my purpose was to help people, to help humanity! My response was: “What are you ass holes talking about, I can’t even help myself how am I supposed to find the energy to help others.” It’s funny how I have been put in this situation, the practice of helping people has been placed right in front of me. I previously thought that helping people needed to be some kind of grand gesture, I was mistaken.

I have been placed in a position where I have to manage people, delegate tasks, find patience and understanding in the lack of standard around here. Literally, at times I would like to yell at the level of competence or lack thereof. But then I stop and reflect and think - no Sara, this is your chance to help people. Try to empower them without being authoritative and all knowing, smile, find compassion. 

It is an interesting predicament I find myself in. Lilu has given me the task of overseeing an impact assessment report, basically analyzing primary data gathered from the field to assess DDG’s operations over the past year, drawing findings, recommendations, etc. I love writing and being critical, so this is no problem for me. BUT, I have two other people, one of which is very qualified, working on the report who think because I am white I have some sort of authority. I hate having authority and prefer to stay in the background and maintain my humility, especially when I am in a different culture. I don’t want to be some sort of neo-colonialist, but when it takes one whole day for my colleagues to write a paragraph and the deadline approaches, I find my western conditioning sparked. “We need to be productive people, no it can’t wait until after lunch, we need to move, no we can’t have an extension, this needs to be done and done well!” So in other words, I have had to learn to delegate, to teach, to find patience. I sometimes forget that I actually have a higher degree because it often seems so irrelevant to me. Well, here it is not!

Anyway, that’s it for today. Off to the local market! Over and out!

First impressions Moroto, Karamoja

Ya, so Moroto is interesting and crazy. I have been here a little over a week and already feel as though I am in a different world and have learned an incredible amount. One can read books and that is all great, but to actually witness tribal groups in conflict and how aid organizations attempt to deal with development and conflict is a completely different story.

Below 10 percent of Karamojong's are educated, and of course they fight, because it is a survival mechanism for their lack of livelihood. Aid groups come in, like the UN and the World Food Program and many development organizations, and hand out free food to the people which creates aid dependency and a lack of sustainability. These tribal groups have no idea how to live or create a sustainable life because their culture consists of violence, in which stealing from, killing, or raping their neighbours or other communities is normalized. There is no value on a life, and aid groups seem to really miss the mark around here!

Danish Demining Group seems to be one of the better ones (without being completely bias). I have been going out to the field to help with focus groups. Focus groups are usually about 20 people of all ages and gender, they speak Karamojong, and usually wear traditional wraps with lots of very colorful jewelry. They answer questions about the security of their communities and whether DDG's work has helped reduce insecurity in their communities (through eduation about the dangers of small arms, conflict management education, peace meetings etc). They are such strong people, it astounds me. The feedback is usually very positive and at the end of the meeting we give them sodas and crackers. Some of the communities are so thankful and then others are not. One group asked why we were giving them children's drinks and where the money and tobacco was. There is often a real lack of initiative because of the handouts of aid organizations. So ya, some people are incredibly cynical that work in this community.

There is a solid expat community here that get together pretty regularly. Lilu has been amazing to me. My guesthouse is beautiful, perhaps one of the nicest in town, we have a car (with a driver if need be), and a lady that does our laundry, cleans, and cooks for us. haha. It's pretty luxurious compared to the way others live, but the work is pretty demanding. There is a local fruit and vegetable market that I go to, and there is a shop run by an obese woman that sells Italian wine. Things are pretty good over here and there is a real community feeling! That's it for now. Lots of love!

Arrival in Uganda

Well, here I am, in Uganda! I have never been here before, but similarily to the way I felt when I arrived in India, there is an odd sense of familiarity. Perhaps it is that I have spent the past few years in new places, or because I feel a connection to cultures other than my own. Either way, there is something so alive about the developing world. Everyone has a purpose and appears to be going somewhere or selling something, for the most part there is a sense of hope, and foreigners are more than welcome (with a few shouts and grabs).

I came to Uganda feeling rather calm, as I figured I really had nothing to lose. Life had been less than ideal over the past little while and I reached the conclusion that I may as well be somewhere new and interesting trying to help others. And, well, to be truthful I had also reached a point where I needed to put the lessons I have learned over the past year to practice, so in a zombie like fashion, I travelled for 24 hours to show up in Uganda.

I have great feelings about this next adventure. I already feel like I have a family here, I have seen more genuine smiles and warm welcomes in the past few days that I can count. My friend Lilu (who I went to Kings' College with) calls me daily to check-in, and I had a personal driver over the weekend, Richard, whom I now consider a friend.
I deploy to Karamoja tomorrow which takes approximately 12 hours by SUV. Karamoja is a region that is considered a 'humanitarian emergency' populated by a nomadic tribe of warriors (the Karamojong), 80 percent of whom live below the poverty line. As Lilu has explained to me, we live very simply and from the land. I will have more to say on Karamoja over the next little while. But until then, I find comfort in being surrounded by likeminded compassionate souls.

Here's to adventures and selfless service! Out and out.