It has been over three months since I moved to Uganda. It feels like it was years ago. Life here feels pretty normal and settled other than the population of warriors, the children running after me while I walk home, and the lack of the most basic amenities. I have actually started to feel at home here. The work can be long and tedious, and I sometimes wonder what the **** I am doing in the middle of nowhere in Africa, but I am obviously here for a reason and I am embracing that.
Times have been fairly exciting over the past little while. I went to Nairobi for a workshop with my colleagues from different programs including Somalia, Somaliland, Sri Lanka, Iraq, South Sudan, etc. It was at this point that I realized that I kind of fit into this whole NGO world, though I have many criticisms and reservations. It’s hard work, rough living environments, often isolated and lonely and very difficult to see the impact of your work. But then something in the end makes it feel worth it. Maybe it is the rush, the camaraderie with coworkers, maybe it is feeling connected to the whole world (even it’s worst parts), or maybe it is just feeling as though you are making the effort to change even one life in despair. I don’t know. But most of the ‘muzungus’ (white people) at the workshop were just like me – idealists yet self-reflective and analytical, thrive on seeing new places, and want to do something good for the world. I found comfort in that.
My time is coming to a close here and I am very uneasy about that. I feel as though it has not been enough time to really understand where I am living and I have made some really great friends. I have no plan other than perhaps traveling and starting again from square one. Coincidentally, just as I was pondering my next move, Lilu told me that the head of DDG and the program manager decided that they would like to offer me a position to continue in Moroto with my role focusing on gender issues and evaluating our different projects around the country. My heart began to race because I know that this is what I have always wanted but then the fear, oh the fear…
The theme of the past little while seems to be facing fears, any fears – fears that I have in my own heart, fears of failure, fears of losing someone close to me, and even a fear of heights. Being ruled by fear is no way to live! With that in mind I decided to go bungee jumping and white water rafting on the Nile River. I was terrified. Life can feel very scary, especially when you are on the ledge feeling as though you are jumping towards your ultimate death. But facing fears and taking risks is not ultimate death, it is opening yourself to the world and giving yourself the opportunity to develop courage and love. So, I guess life in Uganda will continue for me!
Bye for now!
