Everything is already okay

I’ve been thinking a lot about how I ended up here: why I am living in the middle of nowhere in Africa amongst so little, how I met Lilu, how when things felt so low, this opportunity came along to sweep me up and save me. I spent so much time in my life thinking that it was me that controlled everything, me that failed or made things happen, because action produces results we are told! I am not saying that the will shouldn’t be there but when I look at my life and I look at the crazy things that have happened and the experiences I have had, the more I understand that I, me, am not so important to have all that control. Shocking, I know! I can ignore the magical things that are calling my name and are right in front of me, which many of us do, and think that I am the maker of my own destiny, but then I miss the divine comedy of it all - the beauty, the lessons, the magic, the simplicity even in the pain.

Several “spiritual” people or “astrologers” I met over the past little while (mostly out of desperation) told me that my purpose was to help people, to help humanity! My response was: “What are you ass holes talking about, I can’t even help myself how am I supposed to find the energy to help others.” It’s funny how I have been put in this situation, the practice of helping people has been placed right in front of me. I previously thought that helping people needed to be some kind of grand gesture, I was mistaken.

I have been placed in a position where I have to manage people, delegate tasks, find patience and understanding in the lack of standard around here. Literally, at times I would like to yell at the level of competence or lack thereof. But then I stop and reflect and think - no Sara, this is your chance to help people. Try to empower them without being authoritative and all knowing, smile, find compassion. 

It is an interesting predicament I find myself in. Lilu has given me the task of overseeing an impact assessment report, basically analyzing primary data gathered from the field to assess DDG’s operations over the past year, drawing findings, recommendations, etc. I love writing and being critical, so this is no problem for me. BUT, I have two other people, one of which is very qualified, working on the report who think because I am white I have some sort of authority. I hate having authority and prefer to stay in the background and maintain my humility, especially when I am in a different culture. I don’t want to be some sort of neo-colonialist, but when it takes one whole day for my colleagues to write a paragraph and the deadline approaches, I find my western conditioning sparked. “We need to be productive people, no it can’t wait until after lunch, we need to move, no we can’t have an extension, this needs to be done and done well!” So in other words, I have had to learn to delegate, to teach, to find patience. I sometimes forget that I actually have a higher degree because it often seems so irrelevant to me. Well, here it is not!

Anyway, that’s it for today. Off to the local market! Over and out!

First impressions Moroto, Karamoja

Ya, so Moroto is interesting and crazy. I have been here a little over a week and already feel as though I am in a different world and have learned an incredible amount. One can read books and that is all great, but to actually witness tribal groups in conflict and how aid organizations attempt to deal with development and conflict is a completely different story.

Below 10 percent of Karamojong's are educated, and of course they fight, because it is a survival mechanism for their lack of livelihood. Aid groups come in, like the UN and the World Food Program and many development organizations, and hand out free food to the people which creates aid dependency and a lack of sustainability. These tribal groups have no idea how to live or create a sustainable life because their culture consists of violence, in which stealing from, killing, or raping their neighbours or other communities is normalized. There is no value on a life, and aid groups seem to really miss the mark around here!

Danish Demining Group seems to be one of the better ones (without being completely bias). I have been going out to the field to help with focus groups. Focus groups are usually about 20 people of all ages and gender, they speak Karamojong, and usually wear traditional wraps with lots of very colorful jewelry. They answer questions about the security of their communities and whether DDG's work has helped reduce insecurity in their communities (through eduation about the dangers of small arms, conflict management education, peace meetings etc). They are such strong people, it astounds me. The feedback is usually very positive and at the end of the meeting we give them sodas and crackers. Some of the communities are so thankful and then others are not. One group asked why we were giving them children's drinks and where the money and tobacco was. There is often a real lack of initiative because of the handouts of aid organizations. So ya, some people are incredibly cynical that work in this community.

There is a solid expat community here that get together pretty regularly. Lilu has been amazing to me. My guesthouse is beautiful, perhaps one of the nicest in town, we have a car (with a driver if need be), and a lady that does our laundry, cleans, and cooks for us. haha. It's pretty luxurious compared to the way others live, but the work is pretty demanding. There is a local fruit and vegetable market that I go to, and there is a shop run by an obese woman that sells Italian wine. Things are pretty good over here and there is a real community feeling! That's it for now. Lots of love!

Arrival in Uganda

Well, here I am, in Uganda! I have never been here before, but similarily to the way I felt when I arrived in India, there is an odd sense of familiarity. Perhaps it is that I have spent the past few years in new places, or because I feel a connection to cultures other than my own. Either way, there is something so alive about the developing world. Everyone has a purpose and appears to be going somewhere or selling something, for the most part there is a sense of hope, and foreigners are more than welcome (with a few shouts and grabs).

I came to Uganda feeling rather calm, as I figured I really had nothing to lose. Life had been less than ideal over the past little while and I reached the conclusion that I may as well be somewhere new and interesting trying to help others. And, well, to be truthful I had also reached a point where I needed to put the lessons I have learned over the past year to practice, so in a zombie like fashion, I travelled for 24 hours to show up in Uganda.

I have great feelings about this next adventure. I already feel like I have a family here, I have seen more genuine smiles and warm welcomes in the past few days that I can count. My friend Lilu (who I went to Kings' College with) calls me daily to check-in, and I had a personal driver over the weekend, Richard, whom I now consider a friend.
I deploy to Karamoja tomorrow which takes approximately 12 hours by SUV. Karamoja is a region that is considered a 'humanitarian emergency' populated by a nomadic tribe of warriors (the Karamojong), 80 percent of whom live below the poverty line. As Lilu has explained to me, we live very simply and from the land. I will have more to say on Karamoja over the next little while. But until then, I find comfort in being surrounded by likeminded compassionate souls.

Here's to adventures and selfless service! Out and out.